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Sunday, June 29th, 2003
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10:26 pm
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in the beggining of all of this
there was fire, and chaos reigned
now, after travelling through half of eternity
there is clarity to the definition
if eye's are cleansed, and souls organized
there can be faith in absense of substance
but being void in itself is not the way to find reason
one reality is that nothing is constant
that everything dissapears
there are several others
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| Saturday, June 28th, 2003
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3:13 pm - these are great
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Bill Hicks was a comedic genius. He died 9 years ago of pancreatic cancer, but his words haven't lost one ounce of truth. He was the only comedian that really told it like it is. Straight up. Didn't give a shit about kissing anyone's ass and was brutally honest. If there were more people like him in the world, we wouldn't be killing each other for kicks, which seems to be humanity's favourite pastime. Here are some of my favorite Bill Hicks quotes. For more info check out his website. RIP.
"What do atheists scream when they come?"
"Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass."
"Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?"
"Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law?"
"We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free."
"The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?"
"How about a positive LSD story, that would be newsworthy. Don't you think? Anybody think that? Just once, to hear a positive LSD story. "Today, a young man on acid, realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves... here's Tom with the weather." "
"Are there actually women in the world who do not like to give blowjobs? See a lot of guys on dates got their fingers crossed here tonight... "Answer him, honey, go ahead. Let's hear how you feel about this right now." A woman one night yelled out, "Yeah, you ever try it?" I said, yeah. Almost broke my back. It's that one vertebrae, I swear to God, it's that close. I think that vertebrae is going to be the thing to go in our next evolutionary step. Just a theory and a fervent prayer. Yeah, now all the guys are going, "Honey, I have no idea what he's talking about. I think he's a devil-child." That may be true, but guys, yyyyyou know what I'm talking about. I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight, guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage. "
"I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year, after the show I went to a Waffle House, I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me, "Tch tch tch tch. Hey, what you readin' for?" Is that like the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for. Well, godammit, you stumped me. Why do I read? Well... hmmm... I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one, is so I don't end up, being a fucking waffle waitress. "
"Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye."
"Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm... Sounds like...every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that's the connection they're trying to make. "
"I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. "
"By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. Thank you, thank you. Just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day they'll take root. I don't know. You try. You do what you can. Kill yourselves. Seriously though, if you are, do. No really, there's no rationalisation for what you do, and you are Satan's little helpers, OK? Kill yourselves, seriously. You're the ruiner of all things good. Seriously, no, this is not a joke. "There's gonna be a joke coming..." There's no fucking joke coming, you are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage, you are fucked and you are fucking us, kill yourselves, it's the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. Now, back to the show."You know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar, that's a big dollar, a lot of people are feeling that indignation, we've done research, huge market. He's doing a good thing." Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scumbags, quit putting a godamn dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet! "
"I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, "Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them." And Eve said, "Yeah... it's just not enough is it?""
"Think of me as Chomsky with dick jokes."
"And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said "There is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create republicans."" www.billhicks.com
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| Thursday, June 26th, 2003
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11:14 pm
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smoke in your eyes
i could only dream....
to feel your pulse...
and hear you scream
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| Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
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12:03 am
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| Monday, June 23rd, 2003
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11:50 pm
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see the thing is we are different
but so similar it feels the same
words never mean the right thing
after escaping from my lips
like smoke dissipating
with the underlining reality
as thin as a veil covering my face
but in my hidden insecurity
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
i know i am right
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| Friday, June 20th, 2003
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12:56 am - everything dies('cept rocks)
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www.toolband.com
judith said goodbye to life today...i know maynard misses her
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| Thursday, June 19th, 2003
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12:23 am - well, i guess i am kinda evil.
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| godversiontwo | | Magic Number | 12 | | Job | Computer Nerd | | Personality | Focussed And Driven | | Temperament | Cool And Calm | | Sexual | Just Say No | | Likely To Win | Some Lubricant | | Me - In A Word | Evil | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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| Monday, June 16th, 2003
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10:34 pm - some things are worth remembering
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in a pretty little valley
right near where i was born
i dug a hole, the deepest of all
and i found a pretty box
with a little secret inside
but she would never let me tell
of all the things ive found
and all the things ive made
none have enthralled my eyes
in the magical way of her
the box had words carved in the side
in a language never known
like a casket holding a dead queen
and i used weapons to open it
inside all death there is life
and as i taught her my language
i could see love in her eyes
because i already spoke hers
as her skin healed,she grew younger
and i realized who she really was
and now i know, ill never forget
what we can find, if we just try
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| Tuesday, March 18th, 2003
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11:46 pm - NOBODY IS BORN (MY ANTI-THESIS)
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walk into the forest and whisper with the tree's
find the fortune we were left with, and play with its insides
realize who you are and what you were, then follow me
there is meaning to nothing and everything just the same
applied thought teaches me to delve deeper, to breathe
we've got to keep acting like it all matters, i dare you not to
reality is a veil six and a half billion layers thick
there is beauty inside the illusion, and some thoughts too
i forgot how to swim yesterday, oh what a story
even thinking is too complicated for perfection
but i still know how to stare in the mirror
o god water, im just sinking now, its ok i dont mind
someday love will create me, and bind me to you
for now im just a whisper, or wet lips...and a glimmer in your eye
current mood: wanted
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| Thursday, March 13th, 2003
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1:55 pm
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im wishing the sun was here today
not hiding behind clouds
im wishing i saw your face today
not hiding behind shrouds
im slowly realizing that death is a dream
but is there reality in life?
only one person can know the answer
so ill just sit here, waiting, wishing, and dreaming
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
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1:11 am - does anybody feel like i do
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i remember sitting on the shore
viewing the dark horizon
surrounded by voices of tree's
with tears running down my face
i wish i would have blacked out then
i remember sitting in a sand hole
watching the sun say goodnight
surrounded by loved ones and beer
a big grin on my face, but still in awe
i wish i had more memories like this
i envision standing on the sand bars
watching the wave roll in with destruction
surrounded by nobody, but fear
pasty pale look on my face, with regretful eyes
this could be the last time i die
(and im praying for it)
current mood: nameless
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 28th, 2003
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2:36 pm - something special between friends
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the sun flies hi
so, how do you feel?
everyone is looking up
yet none remember how to feel
could i awaken your mind
by sharing my reflection
would your eyes wince at the light?
or would you ask for another session
in all beauty there is darkness
you can hide it, but to me it isnt hidden
just keep staring into the sky
tiring, aging, drooling and smitten
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| Wednesday, February 26th, 2003
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12:32 am
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an oil stained rainbow shimmers upon your surface
showing me reds, purples, greens, yellows, and blues
one might ask, "why are you sitting there staring?"
and i could reply "who the fuck are you?"
behind my eyes, is something you'll never see
everytime you hold my hand, i feel your heart racing
when your mouth moves and makes sounds,
i wonder what exactly you are really thinking
i know your body talks to me, nipples pointing at your first glance
maybe they remember, all the times we've died, together.
my lips are curling, 'cause i dont fear death in your arms
seperation of oil and water is really magic
a different language for every eye
stories of holy grails and repentence
you spilled the oil, and thats the lie
current mood:  calm
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| Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
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9:18 am - some say the end is near.......
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some people have an ability to over-look things
i would say this is a blessed talent
even if it might make the person stupid
i am finding that nit picking everything drives people away
because lets be honest
nobody really cares about these little things
that mean so much to me
....mention this to me, and watch the weather change
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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12:54 am - ethereal
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today was just another day
not any more or any less boring
just me swirling in standstill
and hiding behind these fake walls
remembering the times i have had
good and bad, crying and laughing
my hand will always be at the end
of my stretched out and willing arm
and until that day when the sun breaks through
the insolent clouds, and finds me
ill continue to hide, and wither
inside these petulant walls
current mood: Other, or none
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| Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
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1:24 am - when one and one become one, eleven
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PART 1
staring out my window
right at the gray building nearest me
im day dreaming visions of you
but you don't have a face
well, at least not anymore
i just want to melt your skin
with my thoughts of pleasure
there's something kind of wicked,
'bout this glint in your eye
you like being filthy
you want me to use you;
but, if you only knew
i want you to use me too
there is something kind of sacred
in this blending of our skin
press the button, whirl the blades
coexistence comes with pain, it is true
they better hold down the lid here girl
nobody wants us to touch them
to infect them with our soul
i think its good they do hold us down
for they couldn't swallow us anyway
i don't blame them; could you?
PART 2
rip me up, tear me down
kill all i have ever been
show my shadow guidance
lock my eyes and kiss my grin
in reading between these lines
one finds value in new beginnings
a sense of hope in not knowing
just hold my hand, now we're sinning
this darkness is not a threat
not with us gripping eyes
we'll dream together yet
someday when i know your secrets
and your heart knows mine
even if you cant admit it, ill show you
real treasure isn't hard to find
(phoenix is a place, a thing, and a person.
current mood: how is "awake" a mood?
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 17th, 2003
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4:15 pm - blackout weekend update
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well this last weekend wasnt really all exciting for me but still some interesting things happened..well at least one interesting thing...but ill get to that in a minute...on friday night i took a three hour nap...then went to my friends house to try and find a party or something...but since it was that "special day" nobody was really doing the party thing...so me and a couple of my buddies sat around and watched some hbo sadly enough we watched a romantic comedy but we had a good reason...jennifer love hewit was in it..and ill be damned if she isnt gorgeous...after that at around 3 a.m. we decided it would be a good idea to put "apocalypse now" on which is a realy strange movie that has me thinking that they were all on acid the entire shoot...so anyway that was over after 5 or so i came home and couldnt sleep so i stayed up until 7 a.m yay!!!...then after a long day of sleeping i went back to the same house and we just sat arouind watchign t.v. again but on teh upside my friend jamie(hot!) showed me her clit ring which is new i guess...sunday almost all of my good friends went to see dave chappelle at the l.b.c. i have to say it was pretty freaking hilarious...it was even funnier when my friend jeff(my ride) and i left right when he said he was done...then we went and waited by our friends cars...after 5 minutes or so we were kind of wondering where the mad rush to leave the show was...i figured either they were all being held hostage or he came back out for an oncour(sp?)any way he did about another half hour of stand up and then we left...the end yay!!!
current mood:  dorky
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| Friday, February 14th, 2003
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2:29 am - yeah it sucks i know...but its also almost 3 in the morning..im lucky i can type still
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i remember years ago,
playing in the rain,
many times the hail.
winter has always been my friend,
sometimes my lover,
other times my consort.
only recently have i strayed away,
from my friend and mother.
to scared to get my skin wet,
or my clothes damp.
im just sitting here wondering,
what happened to me,
and why have i betrayed my sovereign.
why wont i let the water flow over my lips,
while i dance in the rain.
there is something wrong with this,
that is all im sure of.
current mood:  tired
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| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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11:23 pm
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so today i completely slacked and didnt go to work at all, its cool cause i can dop that but not cool cause i need the money for trip to europe and my car etc... i played pso all day long on a new difficulty level...yay...then soem girl who i am completely in love with for no good reason called me and we talked for a bit...i ahve never been friends witha girl after any of my relationships and i am beggining to see why...i think its worse cause tommorow is THAT SPECIAL DAY and i dont have a date and in fact have to work until 11:30 some girl who lives a county over and who seems to like me wont stop text messaging me...she needs to just come hang out...i hate text messaging..too many damned buttons to push...ok i have nothing else to bitch about have a nice day..or night whatever it is
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10:46 pm - my little valentines memory
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ill keep looking for you
deep inside your eyes
as you lay there, dead and gone
i will always remember you
but its time for me to leave
im sorry i didnt get to say goodbye
i will always love you
however long i stay
there is something deep inside me
aching to get out
its a picture of you
i drew it in my own blood,
used my skin for a canvas
my scabs are healing over now
but the scars will always remain
so will your memory
along with your portrait
etched behind my retina's
current mood: i dont want to be dismal
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